


ADDICTED TO YOU; DAISUGA

by keiitsu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Choking, M/M, Married Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, No Happy Ending Fest, Please save them, Police Officer Sawamura Daichi, Sawamura Daichi is a Mess, Sawamura Daichi is a little shit, Slight injuries, Sugawara and Daichi are suffering, Sugawara is stuck, Sugawara smokes sometimes, Toxic relationship cycles, Unhealthy Dependency, We Die Like Men, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:20:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28878627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keiitsu/pseuds/keiitsu
Summary: Amongst the feeling of euphoria, there is always pain.“What’s the issue now?” Daichi queries as he detaches himself away from Kōshi's body, leaning against the railing of the balcony. Kōshi shrugs before pressing his cigarette into the ashtray to his left.“Work. You. The usual.”“Me?” Daichi laughs, almost offended, if not for the loud guffaw sprouting from his chest. “My, whatever have I done?”
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Kudos: 13





	ADDICTED TO YOU; DAISUGA

**SOMETIME** during the month of June, Kōshi found himself swamped with relationship problems and a plethora of unfinished work. He often found himself lost,  _ trapped _ between two different worlds, but neither was a happy reality for him. He was always switching between two undesired realities, coming out feeling numb each time he made the uncomfortable exchange between two different spaces.

His intoxicated thoughts clouded any form of rational judgement. Sugawara Kōshi was anything  **but** irresponsible and impulsive, but here he was, a lit cigarette pinched delicately between his fingers, sitting out in the balcony with half of his body almost falling off the ledge. He lifts the cigarette once more as he wraps his lips around the filter, inhaling an ungodly amount of tobacco.

Smoke fills his lungs, unfeeling of anything but the dull pleasure of nicotine flowing through his veins. His heart thrummed violently against his ears--something he’d learned to get accustomed to as he continued to exhale the substance within his orifice. Wisps of acrid fumes swayed in the air before dissipating into the nothingness before him, leaving nothing but the feeling of adrenaline pumping through his body. 

He feels a pair of strong arms wrap around him, eliciting a tired sigh from his mouth. The man turns, meeting irises resembling the color of coffee. His bloodshot eyes meet a sloppy, upturned smile, canines poking at the bottom lip.

“Welcome home, Daichi.” Kōshi breathes, releasing nothing but a puff of smoke in his lover’s face. Daichi doesn’t respond, but instead smiles as his arms flexed around Kōshi’s lean figure.

“Destressing, right?” Daichi stares at the half-finished cigar between his husband’s fingers. The man nods as a response, turning around to release another puff of smoke towards the city skyline rather than his husband’s face. 

“Do you want some?” Kōshi croaks, his voice raspy from lack of speech. Daichi nods, gingerly taking the cigarette from his lover’s pale hands before lifting it up to his lips, inhaling the same essence of euphoric death as it flowed through his blood. He exhales, watching intently as the smoke flies into the air shortly before disappearing.

“What’s the issue now?” Daichi queries as he detaches himself away from Kōshi's body, leaning against the railing of the balcony. Kōshi shrugs before pressing his cigarette into the ashtray to his left. 

“Work. You. The usual.”

“Me?” Daichi laughs,  _ almost _ offended, if not for the loud guffaw sprouting from his chest. “My, whatever have I done?”

“Shut the fuck up, you know what you did.” Kōshi shakes his head as he wanders to the balcony door. “You’re a filthy cheater. Sleep on the couch again tonight--I’m not ready to lay next to you knowing you’ve got some other bitch on your phone.”

Daichi laughs once again, albeit it comes out a little more strained.

“Right.”

**┈** **┈** **┈** **⋞ ⟨ ⏣ ⟩ ⋟ ┈** **┈** **┈**

“Come on baby, at least look at me. I said I was sorry!”

Kōshi ignores his partner once more, focusing more on his book rather than the attention-seeking man before him.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Kōshi, you act like you haven’t done the same shit!” Daichi throws his hands in the air, his irritation rising at the indignant man seated in front of him. He visibly perks up when his lover moves his book down to meet his eyes.

“I haven’t. Unlike you, I stopped everything before I did something I regret, and I stopped meeting them after that one time. I told you the truth too.” Kōshi shrugs, causing Daichi to snarl. 

“You’re so fucking annoying! God!” The brunette storms off to their shared bedroom. Eye twitching, Kōshi stands up, clutching his book tightly in his hands. He stalks after his husband, eyebrows furrowed and lips turned up into a grimace. He’s had enough of this back and forth bickering, the edges of his sanity tearing apart with each lie from Daichi’s mouth.

“I’m the one that’s annoying? Okay, hotshot! Maybe you would like to explain why you come home every single day and pretend that this house isn’t just a breeding ground for your disloyalty and  _ maybe _ even a few oncoming sexual diseases?” Kōshi waves his hands around in the air, a manic look spreading across his face as he takes multiple steps closer to Daichi’s turned figure. 

After a lack of response, he continues. “Every single  **fucking** day, I have to come home or wait for you to come back only to see you with kiss and bite marks all over you! I resist the urge to smack you until I knock you unconscious because I’m not that type of person!” 

“Kōshi-”

“Shut the fuck up! I’m not done speaking.” Kōshi grabs Daichi forcefully by the jaw, forcing the taller man to look down at his enraged lover. “I gave you more than one chance. More than twice. This is enough. If you find them to be better than me, then take your shit and leave.”

The grip on Daichi’s jaw caused him to wince as it was bound to leave a nasty bruise. “You know I can’t do that.” 

Kōshi stands on his toes, his nose pressed against Daichi’s. “Why not?” 

Daichi’s fully aware that Kōshi is snarling, pupils shaking with rage as the grip gets tighter. He refuses to back down, however, pushing Kōshi away with the strength he acquired from training.

“Isn’t that obvious! It’s because I love you!” He rushes to the silver-haired man, knocking him over to the carpeted floor as his strong arms pin Kōshi to the ground. The latter writhes intensely, yelling profanities as his arms flail around wildly, palms coming in contact with Daichi’s face as a desperate attempt to push him off.

“You call this messed up shit  **love** ? So what, you’re gonna  **love** me until I eventually wring my organs from inside out and surrender my heart to someone that won’t take me seriously?” He spits. Daichi can faintly smell the scent of tobacco lingering in his mouth, brown eyes taking note of the slight discoloration of his husband’s usually pearly white teeth. 

“Yes! I don’t give a single fuck if we end up slashing each other’s throats by the end of this, because I  _ just _ want you!”

Kōshi scoffs, rolling his eyes. Something about that action irritated the brunette greatly. 

Daichi furrows his eyebrows, anger rising within his blood as his hands move from Kōshi’s shoulder to his neck, squeezing it tight enough to register him breathless. Kōshi rasps, his mouth gaping open like a fish, clawing at the toned arms pressing at his throat. His pale complexion fades into flashes of blue and purple, on the verge of unconsciousness before Daichi releases his hold, causing the former to cough and inhale. 

It takes a few minutes for him to regain the color in his complexion, clawing and pounding at his chest to forcefully accept the sudden rush of air inside his lungs.

“I fucking hate you.” He croaks, glaring up at the man above him. Daichi stares at him with wide eyes before helplessly watching as Kōshi walks to the bathroom, his frame obscured by the wooden door between them. 

**┈** **┈** **┈** **⋞ ⟨ ⏣ ⟩ ⋟** **┈** **┈** **┈**

Kōshi inspects the new bruises littering his neck as tears flow freely down his eyes, soiling the marbled counter below him.

“I hate you.” He chants, his voice decreasing in volume as sobs start to rack through his body like heavy waves upon a deserted shore. “I hate you.”

He releases an exhausted sigh after crying for almost thirty minutes, deciding to run a bath as an effort to scrub the dirty feeling of his hands from his skin. 

Kōshi blankly stared at the rushing water as it filled the tub. Intrusive thoughts start to flood his mind, but he quickly shakes it off as the water reaches the surface of the tub, threatening to spill out. The man undresses, his feet making contact with the scalding temperature around him. 

He watches as the water flows past the brim, pooling on the ground beneath him. He rarely pays attention to the red complexion of his skin as a reaction to the burning water enveloping his body, sighing as he buried himself deeper into the cauldron of scalding liquid. 

The steam fogged up the mirrors, but Kōshi supposes that not being able to see himself is amongst other things, better than being able to notice all the new  _ decorations  _ spread around his body. 

He’s got no one to blame but himself, really. He’s the one that stuck around, the one who waited endlessly for someone out of his grasp. He recalled nights where he ignored the stench of another woman’s perfume all over Daichi’s collar; he pretended to ignore the kiss marks and newly formed hickeys on his lover’s neck. 

He knew, he  _ always  _ knew that he was going to crawl back to Daichi no matter what he did. Amongst the bad, there was also pleasure and happiness—something Kōshi thought to be quite addicting. He believed—no, he  _ knew _ that Daichi was the only one who could love him so passionately, and he wasn’t willing to break this cycle. He was willing to live through it, even through his last breath, knowing that at least he had been Daichi’s lover. 

He’s swimming in a lake full of electric eels, a sensation painful enough to numb the body—enough to ignore the pain inflicted on him time and time again. The pleasure he receives triumphs over Daichi’s betrayal, their broken promises, and as broken as Kōshi may be, he lets it be. 

_ One day,  _ he thinks,  _ I’ll end this cycle.  _

But not now. 

**Author's Note:**

> The message I have to convey here is hard to see clearly because I am a mess of words and barely any grammar; but it is that sometimes even if you aren’t happy, you still stay in these relationships because you think that the good outweighs the bad. 
> 
> Sugawara chooses to stay in the cycle of toxicity even though he just got hurt by the man he loved. Throughout the story you learn that Daichi has done this more than once, and Sugawara is still present through it all, giving him multiple chances. Thinking that this was the last straw, obviously you would think Sugawara would knock this bitch to the ground, but instead of doing so, I created a mindset in which he refuses to let go because Daichi brought him happiness and solace before everything went to shit, and he holds tightly onto that memory. 
> 
> This is really only inspired by angsty songs and my experience being in a relationship that was not physically BUT was emotionally damaging to me. I did what Suga did; hold on to happy memories in order to ignore the bad. 
> 
> OK I KINDA RUSHED IT PLEASE DON’T HURT ME— EEEEE ; I WROTE THIS IN 2020 AND DIDN'T FINISH IT UNTIL NOW 
> 
> follow me!  
> insta: @flaerei  
> wattpad: @florynn-


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